I am stunned, honestly stunned, to look back at the Rachel Kaufman that existed a year ago. I barely recognize her. Crazy things happen when you dare ask the question "What would happen if I firmly believed that Jesus completely changes lives? Like actually completely changes, not just somewhat." Asking this dangerous question has seriously screwed up my plans for the year 2011. At various times throughout the year I was convinced that right now I'd be in Latvia...then the plans changed to India, then Berlin, then LA. The nagging question finally led me to do mission work in Zambia.
Then two weeks before our departure date, our team to Zambia was cancelled. When one member of our already-small-team was unable to raise sufficient support, the team leaders felt a confirmation that God did not want this project to go forward. It was hard to take. But not as hard as the next question: what's next? Literally, there was a week where the possibilities of teams I could join spanned every continent…but Antarctica.
I think the most marvelous part of that process was learning more about ministries all around the globe. Every time I talked to someone on the other side of the world I hung up the phone thinking, "Well, even if that's not where I'm supposed to be right now...I am genuinely excited for what is happening in this country." There was one night where I couldn't sleep and I spent the night staring at a map and walking my fingers from Indiana to various locations...excited by all the possibilities and overwhelmed by all the need. This must be a taste of how God feels as he looks at all the brokenness as well as the array of beauty across the globe.
After contemplating for a few weeks, I decided to join the team going for a year to Port Elizabeth, South Africa. We'll be working with students at Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University and also some humanitarian aid. A few things factored in to my decision: First, I just can't shake this passion for sub-Saharan Africa that's been slowly growing in me the past few months. And although I'm realizing more and more fully that there's need everywhere, and I personally can't quench all that need, something about the pain in South Africa really gets to me. The more I learn about South Africa, AIDS, and the residual hurting from aparteid, my fervor has grown to see things be whole and healed.
Also, Port Elizabeth is a very international city where people from all over Africa and Asia come to study. Wouldn't it be wonderful if these future leaders returned to their home countries changed? I'm so excited to be in the midst of a complex hubbub of worldviews and cultures! Another thing: I still love the idea of pioneering a ministry. This is the first time there has been a STINT team in Port Elizabeth, so everything will be brand new. This makes me so excited! And so scared...
Seriously, I'm terrified. I'm leaving home tomorrow, meeting my team for the first time the day after, and arriving in Port Elizabeth on Thursday, Jan 20th. I have never been so aware of how many faults I have and how unprepared I am for ministry. But I'm pretty sure that's the best way to enter a year like this...in a state of downright panic. As I look back on a year of fear, anger, confusion, and struggle, I've decided that the growth it's produced in me has been worth it. Hands down. I guess another year of exceptional growth won't kill me. And that's what I expect: exceptional, life-changing growth.
Rachel
